Preparing for a Funeral Service
Is there anything more difficult than preparing for a funeral? End-of-life events are never easy to anticipate, and few people approach them with enthusiasm. Whether you are part of the immediate family, a co-worker, a neighbor, or a close friend, attending a funeral service requires time, thought, and emotional energy.
If you are preparing to attend a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life, the tips and suggestions below can help guide you through the process. And if you have questions at any point, we encourage you to call us. We would be honored to assist you in any way we can.
What Does “Get Prepared” Really Mean?

In William Shakespeare’s Henry V, there’s a line that captures the heart of preparedness: “All things are ready, if our mind be so.” Preparing your mind means readying yourself for what lies ahead—the people, the sights and sounds, and the strong emotions that often accompany the day.
In other words, preparing to attend an end-of-life service involves more than choosing appropriate clothing. It also means taking time to prepare yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. You are there to support the bereaved family, as well as others in attendance, and that presence requires both compassion and inner strength. Never underestimate how meaningful your presence can be to those around you.
To make this information easier to navigate, we’ve organized it under two sections: Dressing for the Occasion and Getting Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally Prepared.
Dressing for the Occasion
What is expected of us when attending a funeral today is quite different from the expectations of the Victorian era. According to Alison Petch, a researcher at Oxford University, “In those years, black clothing was worn for the funeral and for a year following the death… by close relatives, gradually being replaced by other dark colors.”
As we moved into the twentieth century, these Roman and Victorian customs became less rigid. “People attending a funeral wore semi-formal clothing, which for adult men would usually mean a suit and tie in dark colors.”
Today, many of those strict dress requirements have relaxed. While black is still commonly associated with funerals, wearing other subdued, respectful colors is generally acceptable. Bright colors or bold patterns are best avoided unless the family specifically requests otherwise. For women and girls, modest attire is typically preferred.
If you have additional questions about what to wear to a funeral, please feel free to call us—we’re happy to help.
Get Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally Prepared
The death of a loved one is among the most stressful experiences we face. The early days of grief are often marked by heightened emotions, frayed nerves, and restless nights. These difficult moments are then followed by the funeral service—a time when, even in deep grief, you’re expected to navigate social interactions with care and grace. How do you endure—let alone find steadiness—during such a demanding time? The suggestions below are offered with the hope of helping you through it.
Maintain a State of Mindful Awareness
When something deeply painful happens, such as the loss of a loved one, it’s natural to want to withdraw—to numb yourself emotionally and disconnect. While this response is understandable, it’s not always helpful. Instead, consider practicing mindfulness: staying present in the moment while gently acknowledging your thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions without judgment.
Mindful awareness allows you to recognize what cannot be changed while giving you space to respond thoughtfully to what can. As expressed in Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer, it is about accepting what is beyond your control, finding courage where change is possible, and developing the wisdom to know the difference. You cannot change the loss itself, but you can begin to shape how you move through it—and that begins with awareness.
Do What You Can to Stay Physically Healthy
Grief often manifests physically. Fatigue, aches and pains, changes in appetite, digestive issues, shortness of breath, or a feeling of heaviness in the chest or throat are all common. Recognizing and naming these symptoms is the first step toward caring for yourself during this time. In the days leading up to the service, consider the following:
- Stay hydrated: Aim to drink water regularly throughout the day.
- Eat consistently: Smaller meals or light snacks may feel more manageable than large meals.
- Rest when you can: If nighttime sleep is difficult, brief daytime rest can help.
- Move gently: Walking, stretching, swimming, or light exercise can be grounding.
- Nurture your senses: Listen to calming music or spend time outdoors.
- Engage spiritually: Prayer, meditation, or quiet reflection may bring comfort.
- Simplify your responsibilities: Delegate tasks when possible and focus on self-care.
Reach Out to Your Support Network
Friends, neighbors, and family members often want to help—allow them to. Accepting support is not a burden; it’s a gift you give others the opportunity to offer. Let them walk beside you in whatever ways they can.
Professional support can also be invaluable. Clergy, physicians, therapists, and grief counselors are there to help, especially if your grief feels overwhelming—now or at any point in the future.
Prepare to Speak Less and Listen More
Funeral services—whether traditional funerals, memorials, or celebrations of life—create space for shared stories, remembrance, and connection. You don’t need to fill that space with words. Share when something meaningful arises, but allow yourself to listen deeply and openly to others. This is a time for respectful presence, for honoring the life that has been lost, and for renewing the bonds that bring people together in moments of grief and remembrance.
Let Us Help with Your Preparations
When it comes to preparing for a funeral, you don’t have to do it alone. Our experience and guidance can help make a difficult time feel a little more manageable for you and those you care about. Whether you’re planning a service or attending one as a guest, we’re here to answer your questions and offer support every step of the way. We invite you to call us-we’re ready to help.
Sources:
- Shakespeare, William, "Henry V"
- Petch , Alison, "Funeral and Mourning Clothing", England, the Other Within, accessed March, 2015
